Reading People and Breaking Limits: Transcending the Pain of Personality to Reshape Fate

Today, let us discuss personality, human nature, and fate, and from there, shift the focus to how we can judge character and break through the upper limits of our own lives.

First and foremost, we must recognize that a correct understanding of personality and human nature is paramount. Without this understanding, there can be no success in life. Regardless of the field, those at the very top possess an extremely thorough and lucid understanding of the “base color” of a person’s character and human nature itself. This is why we are discussing this topic today.

Next, let us analyze the role of personality in a person’s fate. The answer is: it is decisive. Regrettably, the formation of personality itself is largely determined by one’s environment. Personality is strongly correlated with one’s family of origin, childhood traumas, the profound impact of specific events, and relationships with those around us. When we come into this world, we have no right to choose our environment, yet that environment is decisive in shaping our character.

Do you find someone particularly detestable? If you understand what I have just said, you will no longer hate anyone. This is because everyone has flaws in their underlying personality, and these flaws are products of their environment. Even “bad people” are products of their environment. Everyone has their own life tasks to face and will pay the corresponding price for their flaws. Recognizing this allows you to understand why adults only filter people, they do not educate them.

In the process of growing up, to compensate for the personality defects caused by their environment, a person will develop a set of coping mechanisms. These mechanisms are likely pathological, but they do indeed alleviate the pain of facing those inherent personality defects.

Let’s look at some examples. If a person grows up amidst bullying by classmates, this trauma leaves their character permanently marked with distrust and inferiority. To alleviate this defect, they may become accustomed to solitude, because solitude reduces the pain. If a person never witnessed love between their parents as a child, they will not know how love should be expressed. This defect makes them accustomed to emotional distance between people, and conversely, unaccustomed to intimacy.

There are many such examples. It is evident that in the face of personality defects caused by environmental influence, humans do evolve a set of coping mechanisms, which become very fixed by adulthood. At this stage, if you ask the person who was bullied as a child to go on stage and sing, they would feel extreme inferiority and fear; it would be painful because it violates their long-established, deep-rooted defense mechanisms. If you ask the person who never saw parental love to enter an intimate relationship, they will feel extremely uncomfortable and pained, because they are used to indifference and do not know how to correctly express love.

If my analysis ended here, it would be tragic. The cruel facts mentioned above could lead those born into poor environments into pessimism. However, everyone should reflect: What personality defects did my environment bring me? What pathological coping mechanisms did I develop?

To correct this is extremely painful. But one must take notice of one’s own personality defects and pathological coping mechanisms, as these are the things that influence one’s fate. Furthermore, these stubborn mechanisms cannot be fixed by others; they can only be corrected by oneself. This process is long and agonizing. If a person takes this seriously and constantly seeks external help, they might be reborn from the pain in a year or two; in severe cases, it may take decades. If a person does not take it seriously, they may never overcome the pain of these pathological mechanisms in their lifetime. Since it is so painful, some might just give up completely and refuse to change.

But the underlying personality determines fate. Personality is the manifestation of one’s values and mental models. Whether a person’s life develops well or poorly depends almost entirely on their values and mental models. This is because the mind determines action. The essence of the saying “a gentleman is judged by his deeds” (君子论迹) is that deeds reflect the mind. The idea that “one’s actions and mind can be different” is incorrect; specific behaviors define specific psychologies. Even if the “deeds” are deliberately faked, they are fundamentally the result of the mind’s thoughts.

Therefore, if you want your life to get better, if you want to obtain true happiness, if you want to save yourself and fundamentally break free from this suffering, you must first enter the pain of breaking these pathological mechanisms. Everyone can change the defects of their underlying personality through deliberate training.

There is a saying that puts it well: Only pain can make a person change. Without pain, do not talk about change. Change relies solely on oneself.

Having discussed personality, let’s talk about human nature. Human nature focuses on high energy and high value. Because the world is entropic (tending toward disorder), high energy represents high certainty and the greatest potential to reverse entropy. When dealing with others’ affairs, you should follow human nature. When dealing with your own affairs, especially in critical matters, you must go against human nature. This is because there must be pain; otherwise, you cannot overcome the deep-rooted bad habits brought to your personality by your environment. Over time, after persisting in behaviors that go against your instincts, the old mental models will be replaced by new ones, and what was once “against human nature” will no longer feel that way. This is essentially fundamentally changing the “mind” by forcibly changing the “deeds.”

In summary, everyone is affected differently by their environment regarding the weaknesses of their personality and human nature. Personality is the manifestation of values and mental models. Actions are the results of values and mental models. And fate depends on a person’s values and mental models.

Therefore, everyone should summarize the defects in their own mental models and begin to be reborn through pain. As for the annoying shortcomings of others, realize that those are their life tasks. Filter, do not educate. Walking your own path and solving your own tasks is the beginning of mastering your own fate.